Re’eh -“Children of Hashem”

By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

In this week’s Parsha, we learn that a Jew’s expression of mourning should be within reason. When a neshama (soul) departs this world, we are commanded not to exaggerate our expression of mourning by inflicting upon  ourselves any physical harm. The verse reads (Devarim 14, 1):

בָּנִ֣ים אַתֶּ֔ם לַֽיקֹוָ֖ק אֱלֹהֵיכֶ֑ם לֹ֣א תִתְגֹּֽדְד֗וּ וְלֹֽא־תָשִׂ֧ימוּ קָרְחָ֛ה בֵּ֥ין עֵינֵיכֶ֖ם לָמֵֽת

You are children of Hashem, your God. You shall neither cut yourselves nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead.

In Rashi’s commentary he explains (according to the Sages) that the term “cutting”, means injuring oneself as an expression of pain and mourning for the dead. This custom of self-infliction was quite common amongst gentiles in ancient times. The logic behind such a prohibition is simple. Although it is proper to mourn for a departed soul, the Torah instructs us that this should be done within reason. When a mourner becomes so overcome with sorrow and injures himself, his response displays a lack of understanding of the basic connection between man and Hashem. When we come to understand Hashem’s relationship with the Jewish people, that of a father to a son, our attitude and actions take on new meaning. Once we acknowledge that Hashem runs the world with ultimate purpose and reason, our expression of mourning will be appropriate according to the laws given in the Torah.

In addition, the use of the word banim, or children, lends further support to our unique relationship with Hashem. This verse is the only place in the five books of the Torah in which Hashem refers to us as His “children”, a deep expression of love.

By understanding the father-son relationship between Hashem and the Nation of Israel, such oppressive self-affliction becomes counter-productive. A father acts out of love and concern for his son, and ultimately has the best in mind for him. In our limited understanding of the ways of the Master of the World, grief can easily bring us down. However, when we place our relationship with Hashem as foremost in our minds, even mourning is within reason.

The following story brings this point home.

In October of 1994, Nachshon Wachsman, an Israeli soldier was kidnapped by Hamas terrorists. The Nation of Israel united in prayer and extra observance of mitzvot. The Kotel plaza was packed to capacity with Jews of all backgrounds pleading to Hashem for Nachshon’s safe return. His mother’s request for Jewish women to light Shabbat candles led many Jewish women to light Shabbat candles for the first time. When the tragic news of Nachson’s murder came, his father’s greatest concern was that there should not be a crisis of faith amongst the Jewish people. In his greatest moment of sorrow, he expressed to the nation that “just as a father would always like to say “yes” to all of his children’s requests, sometimes he had to say “no” though the child might not understand why. So our Father in Heaven heard our prayers, and though we don’t understand why, His answer was “no.”

Even in the most difficult of times, may we merit to know that our Father in Heaven is right there with us, listening to our prayers, and supporting us the whole way.