Chayei Sarah – The Impact of Experience

By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

One of the greatest quotes of all time is from Helen Keller. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched; they must be felt with the heart”. This powerful message from Helen is very personal one. Helen Keller was a deaf-mute who went on to receive a degree from Harvard University and become a prolific author. This message that our senses are not enough, that we must feel and connect to the reality around us is found in a deeper sense in Judaism. One of the hardest obstacles in religion is the lack of experience. In the new-age western world, we are taught that big bright screens and flashy gadgets are the real experience. The challenge of making Judaism an experience is difficult. In this week’s Parsha, we can learn the importance of living Judaism and what real experience means.

The main episode in this week’s Parsha is Eliezer’s journey to find a wife for Yitzchak. Avraham sends Eliezer to find a wife in his home country. The story continues with Eliezer finding Rivkah by the well and then convincing her and her family that she should be Yitzchak’s bride. The Torah tells the story using an unusually long number of verses. In addition, the Torah tells the story of Eliezer meeting Rivkah and then later recounts how Eliezer retells the whole episode from the beginning. This seems odd. Why does Torah need to describe every detail and then retell the whole story all over again?

It is important to realize that many Jewish laws are derived from a relatively small number of verses. The Talmud and Oral Law which were passed on from generation to generation, expound and derive many laws from small amounts of Scripture. For example, the source for the laws of Shabbat in the Torah is from fewer than twenty verses, however the laws of Shabbat are covered in two full tractates of the Talmud and many hundreds of books. The fact that the Torah went into great detail with the story of Eliezer, comes to teach us a very important lesson. As our Sages claim (Breishit Rabba 60,8), “The ordinary conversation of the patriarchs’ servants is more pleasing to God than even the Torah of their children.”

There are two ways to transmit spiritual values to another person. One way is through transferring information and the other is through transferring experience. A teacher can read a book to a student and tell the story, but when a teacher brings a story from his or her own life, sharing and expressing the feelings, the scents, and the surroundings, it comes alive. An education where the teacher literally lives the curriculum enters deep into the student’s heart. The answer to the riddle of the length of Eliezer’s story is to teach us that we must convey spirituality through experience. Eliezer was trying to convince Rivkah’s parents to agree to the marriage, instead of just telling him who he was. Eliezer wanted to share the journey that he went through. He wanted Rivkah’s family to see his excitement in finding the “one” for Yitzchak.

This lesson is an essential part of passing down Judaism. Jewish prophets over the generations did not convince our nation through intellectual stimulation. They merged imagery and excitement into their prophecies. They put their entire selves into passing on their experiences. The same is true with our Jewish lifestyle. If we focus on really experiencing Shabbat, feeling the tranquility of a Shabbat meal, and basking in Hashem’s creation, then we can feel the true value of Shabbat. If we focus on making our Judaism a part of our beings, then we won’t feel the need to always turn to our fancy devices and empty gadgets.

The lesson is best taught through a unique commandment. There is an obligation for every parent to tell the story of our exodus from Egypt on the night of Passover. Many commentators are perplexed why the commandment is performed in the form of a story. Wouldn’t it be enough to show children pictures or show them a movie depicting the Jews leaving Egypt?

The answer is understood through a story. Once a child approached his grandparent and asked him to retell his personal story of the Holocaust. For many years, the grandparent would refuse to say anything, but this time something was different. The grandparent sat down with his grandchild and recounted everything, every scene, every detail about how he survived. The grandchild reacted by saying that his grandfather’s depiction of the Holocaust was more real than any movie, book or play. When a person shares his or her story with another in such a fashion, then that is a transmission of experience.

We are commanded to specifically recite to our children the story of the exodus so that all generations can relive this experience of the Jewish people. Judaism at times can be mundane, but if we try to make it a part of our lives, of our being, it becomes something amazing. It’s not enough to keep tradition; we must experience it.