Ekev – Authentic Gratitude
By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

Gratitude is one of the most important qualities a person should display. By recognizing positive deeds, we bring greatness to the world. In contrast, when we overlook or deny the good that we have been blessed with, we are preventing ourselves and the world from embodying good. On a national level, if we don’t grasp the amazing kindness and love we receive from Hashem every moment we can’t begin to properly serve Him. In this week’s Parsha this most basic virtue is taught. The verse says (Devarim 8 ,10):

“וְאָכַלְתָּ֖ וְשָׂבָ֑עְתָּ וּבֵֽרַכְתָּ֙ אֶת־יְקֹוָ֣ק אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ עַל־הָאָ֥רֶץ הַטֹּבָ֖ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נָֽתַן־לָֽךְ”

You will eat, you will be satisfied, and you will bless Hashem your God on the wonderful land that he has given you.

This verse is the source for Birkat Hamazon (Grace after Meals). The Talmud (Berachot, 48B) explains that over the generations, different leaders developed the spoken text for Birkat Hamazon but its origin is a direct commandment from the Torah. The basis for this commandment is, as mentioned previously, the obligation to give gratitude. When we give thanksgiving to Hashem for the food that we eat, we are internalizing the importance that nothing is for granted and no good deed should go without recognition. These should seem true with all blessings. However, the obligation to recite all other blessings such as the one prior to eating or for joyous occasions are of rabbinic origin. Our Sages wanted to expand the importance of gratitude by instituting the recital of all other blessings. If gratitude is so fundamental, why wouldn’t the Torah go into great detail to describe all types of blessings? What is so unique about Birkat Hamazon?

Birkat Hamazon represents the paradigm of gratitude in the Torah. There are many types of scenarios where the Torah commands an action and the Rabbis expand upon it. The reason for this dynamic between the two different obligations is as follows: The Torah directly teaches the foundation of a principle through a commandment. Our Sages then use that foundation and practically apply it in other realms. For example, in the laws of muktze, the Sages prohibited carrying certain objects on Shabbat, even if according to Torah law no such prohibition exists. The Rambam (Mishnei Torah Shabbat 24) explains the logic behind the Rabbinic decree:

כדי שלא יהיה כיום חול בעיניו ויבוא להגביה ולתקן כלים מפינה לפינה או מבית לבית או להצניע אבנים וכיוצא בהן שהרי הוא בטל ויושב בביתו ויבקש דבר שיתעסק בו ונמצא שלא שבת ובטל הטעם שנאמר בתורה “למען ינוח”.

In this manner, no one will regard [the Sabbath] as an ordinary weekday and lift up and repair articles, [carrying them] from room to room, or from house to house, or set aside stones and the like. [These restrictions are necessary] for since the person is idle and sitting at home, [it is likely that] he will seek something with which to occupy himself. Thus, he will not have ceased activity and will have negated the motivating principle for the Torah’s commandment, “Thus… will rest.”

The basic idea behind the commandment of Shabbat is to observe a day of rest. Every aspect of Shabbat should therefore represent this principle. Our Sages then expand upon it to include other aspects of Shabbat to enrich our day of rest.

The same concept is true concerning gratitude. Thanking Hashem prior to eating meals embodies a great deal of gratitude. However, when one is hungry and craving to satiate oneself, feeling gratitude comes easy. On the other hand, a deeper sense of gratitude is needed to give thanks once they are already satisfied. The Torah specifically commands us to recite Birkat Hamazon once we are satisfied, in order to teach us that true gratitude is the appreciation and recognition of the good that has already been done. The Torah mentions this concept in the latter part of the chapter:

“הִשָּׁ֣מֶר לְךָ֔ פֶּן־תִּשְׁכַּ֖ח אֶת־יְקֹוָ֣ק אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ לְבִלְתִּ֨י שְׁמֹ֤ר מִצְוֹתָיו֙ וּמִשְׁפָּטָ֣יו וְחֻקֹּתָ֔יו אֲשֶׁ֛ר אָנֹכִ֥י מְצַוְּךָ֖ הַיּֽוֹם פֶּן־תֹּאכַ֖ל וְשָׂבָ֑עְתָּ וּבָתִּ֥ים טֹבִ֛ים תִּבְנֶ֖ה וְיָשָֽׁבְתּ וּבְקָֽרְךָ֤ וְצֹֽאנְךָ֙ יִרְבְּיֻ֔ן וְכֶ֥סֶף וְזָהָ֖ב יִרְבֶּה־לָּ֑ךְ וְכֹ֥ל אֲשֶׁר־לְךָ֖ יִרְבֶּֽה וְרָ֖ם לְבָבֶ֑ךָ וְשָֽׁכַחְתָּ֙ אֶת־יְקֹוָ֣ק אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ הַמּוֹצִיאֲךָ֛ מֵאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרַ֖יִם מִבֵּ֥ית עֲבָדִֽים.”

“Be careful not to forget Hashem your God by not obeying his mitzvot, rulings and regulations that I am giving you today. Lest, after you have eaten and are satisfied, built fine houses and lived in them,  and increased your herds, flocks, silver, gold and everything else you own,  you will become proud-hearted. Forgetting hashem your God — who brought you out of the land of Egypt, where you lived as slaves.

Gratitude is most authentic after the need has already been met. For example, when a husband relays a special thank you and praises his wife following her hard work, it feels authentic. In addition, when an employer thanks an employee following a successful project, it makes the worker feel valuable. As we have seen, an initial thank you has its inherent value but the final thank you is the reflection of true gratitude.